Coming back to reality: Peeling the scars to bleed again
Mar 2nd, 2007 by SniperAngel
The original plan for this blog is to limit its content to online world only. But I guess making a separate blog for my real life is too tedious to maintain so I’ll just make a sub-category.
Mikki and I broke up last February 19, 2007. A day where even my heartbeat stopped beating for a while. It hurts a lot really, though she told me I doesn’t show in my face nor feelings. Indirectly she thinks I’m unfair, deciding to split up without consulting her. For once I want to do something right. I know it hurts a lot but in time I hope and pray she’ll understand.
She texted me the time she got home from her retreat. She shared her stories on how she cried and how she was touched on what happened there. That there is this activity that there is a candle in the middle and you should cast your pains to it things like that. All went well until she ended her story with “Ipapasa-Diyos ko na lang yung ginawa mo sakin.”
Woah. Actually I double checked her message. Huh? Am I a murderer or something? She said that “Well, you dumped me after all we’ve been through.”
I think a tear fell to my cheek. Actually I want to cry harder but I can’t since someone is sleeping near to me. I’m such a weakling and is easily affected. I dunno, I’m still not acclimatized with her attitude even to this point we’re already apart.
I know I’ve given her unbearable pain for a moment. I know she thinks that’s she’s the only one hurt. But have she thought how my heart bled alive while making such decision? Have she thought that before she got hurt I got hurt twice as much as her? I dunno. I dunno why I’m still thinking like this.
After all that we’ve been through. Yeah. I remember I almost lost a very close friend because I love her. I remember those nights I prayed about her, and how I hoped to spend my life with her. The pain is still there. And it is still fresh as the moment I decided to break up with her.
I know I’ve hurt her that much. I just hope she’ll forgive me. I just hope she’ll be happy in her life without me as a part of it. I just hope that God bless and guide her in her way.
If you want to be forgiven, at least be friends with her and make up for everything you’ve done, based on your posts. What if she’ll never be happy because you left her? Who knows right?
It’s not the end for the both of you. Why hurt each other when you can start over again. Give yourselves a chance, at least.
Tol, babae pa rin yun. You maybe weak, but she’d weaker.
Yeah, thanks I’m starting to mend everything now.